I recently had a reason to call the director of Social Ministry in
Hilo, Hawaii. I had just seen their mission statement on their website:
"We believe every person is precious and that people are more important
than things. The purpose of the Office for Social Ministry is to
enhance lives and promote the dignity of every human being." I did not
reach the director, but the following menu choices made me suddenly
feel very grateful for my life.
"Aloha and thank you for calling the Office of Social Ministry. If you
are hungry and need food, press two. If you are homeless and need
immediate assistance, press 3. Press 4 for the Mobile Care unit
schedule. Press 5 if you are currently incarcerated and need...."
On a daily basis most of us get caught in some awful phone menu
recordings. I get annoyed, especially when the reason I am calling is
not one of the 12 choices that I have just listened to. But after
listening to this one, I was so grateful that none of the choices
applied to my life. If you are feeling down sometime, call
808-935-3050. You'll feel better. Most times you get the recording, but
if by chance you get a person, make a small contribution and ask if you
they can put you through to voicemail. That will confuse them.
At this time of year I am acutely grateful to my family, shown here at
the recent wedding of my niece, Jill. For the old-timers on the list,
Jill is the daughter of my sister Sally. Sally is the sister I was the
bone marrow donor for a few years back. She is not well, but she did
live to see her daughter walk down the aisle - something very few
thought possible. Way to go, Sal!. My family is spread out
geographically, so it is a joy when we can all be together.
I wish joy and closeness
to you and those you love this holiday season. Be grateful!
I am still speaking and enjoy it, so if you hear of a meeting that
needs a speaker, tell them about me. In the next issue, I'll tell you
about my new part-time job as a hospice social worker.
Cracked me up!
(sent in by Grits in PA)
"I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it
myself a couple times, but this one is important. So please send this
warning to everyone on your e-mail list.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks
due to the warming weather and asks you to take your clothes off and
dance around with your arms up... DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM!! They
only want to see you naked...
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid."
The next one comes from Doug Steven's
Grandmas Don't Know Everything
"Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd
been playing outside with the other kids for a while. Then he came into
the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people
sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a
little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. 'It's
called sexual intercourse, darling.'
Little Tony just said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the
other kids. A few minutes later he came back in. Very angrily he said,
'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds.'
'And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you, Grandma.'"
THIS WARNING TOO!
This is where I drive every day. It is spectacular. Our house is
between the Bamboo and Mango vacation rentals homes. Click the photo above to see closer up photos of the vacation rentals. They are tasteful, private, have gorgeous ocean views, and provide a wonderful way to see peaceful, warm, and beautiful Hawaii. We love sharing this piece of paradise.
| Did he really say that?
(Sent in by Sue Bloedorn in
"This story is probably a bit too racy (ed. note: 'Naaahh.') for your
newsletter, but if it brings a smile to your face, then it's a good
thing. I know we laugh about it every time we think of it.
When our youngest daughter was in the second grade, she wore an
orthodontic appliance called a 'Bionator.' We were at our cottage for
the weekend with my in-laws and a few other family members. As we were
all getting ready to turn in for the night, my father-in-law asked me,
'Did you get Dana's vibrator out of the car?' Of course, we all
started laughing hysterically knowing what he meant to say was
'Bionator'. Dana wanted to know, 'What was so funny? and What does
that word mean?' Finally, I told her to stop asking because I wasn't
going to tell her what it meant and that she needed to go to sleep. As
we all got settled in for the night and the snickering subsided, Dana
loudly exclaimed, 'Vibrators in. Lights out!' The entire cottage
howled with laughter.
My father-in-law claims he never said it. He has been known to
'misuse' words from the English language from time-to-time. Dana is a
senior, graduating from high school in May. She's still in braces."
(Thanks, Sue. Please take a few moments to share one of YOUR funny
| All Made Up! (From our cool cousin, Kathy Perreth in Madison WI)
"In January I teach the 3rd graders in the school district about Japan.
I wear my kimono, put on a lot of make-up ( powder, pouty red lips red,
lotta blush and mascara) and also wear my origami crane earrings. Do my
hair up, as well.
One day, I had to go immediately from a presentation to yoga - no
problem, no one looks at anybody there. After yoga, I undid my hair,
and of course wasn't in my kimono anymore. Then, off to Aldi (grocery
I have never, in my life, seen Amish in Madison. But, there they were!
Four middle-aged couples, all dressed in black, bonnets, beards,
speaking old German, etc. And, there I was - bright and shiny! Well,
I'm waiting in line and I notice that one of the women is holding a box
of macaroni which is leaking pasta all over the floor. She didn't
notice. So, I leaned over closer to her, pointed at the box, and said,
'Excuse me, you're losing your noodles.'"
She said, 'You painted hussy, where do you get off telling me I'm
losing MY noodles?' Then she spotted the broken box. Then, after long
silent pause, she said only, 'OH! I see!.'"
No matter how much we try
not to judge others, it always seems to sneak in there. Thicht Naht
Hahn says that so much of our suffering is from our misperceptions. So
be on guard for those sneaky judgments! Is there even the slightest
possibility you could be wrong? Could there possibly be an alternate
explanation for what you think you see?
Where we live. Come vacation.